This is a fan fiction thread, written by me (nickname lafemmenikta) and a good friend, nickname dgrequeen. It's a crossover between Stargate, Guardians of the Galaxy, non-canon characters of Lexx (specifically, clones of Kai that have various personalities), and our own personas (lafe and dgre) that we invented while having fun back in the day writing on the scifi.com forums. 🙂
We started writing this one last month via email, but thought it would be easier and better to post it online, so here it is!
We haven't written in a while, so bear with us as our writing styles adjust while getting back in the swing of illustrious alliteration!
Dgre: Is the right place? I feel like we just walked through milk.
MyKai: It was a portal, my queen.
MyKai: *growl*.
Writer: lafemmenikita
Ronin heard that growl and eyes MyKai suspiciously, especially since that pale man who just stepped through the stargate looks just like the cammo-clad pale man walking up behind him.
ReconKai, cammo-clad and looking serious: Dgre. MyKai. How did you get here?
Dgre, relieved to see a familiar face: Recon! We haven't seen you in ages! We were just at ComicCon and was told this doorway was a shortcut back to the panel wing. But we walked through and...now we're here. Wherever "here" is?
She glanced around, then her eyes widened as four armed soldiers took position behind Ronin and Recon, machine guns pointed at the floor but ready to spring to action. MyKai also saw them, which further escalated his protective tendencies, so he moved a little to put himself more between Dgre and the congregation of strangers.
Then another pale man walked up in grey BDU pants and a black tshirt.
TechnoKai, half-smiling, as he's more laid back than his cloned brothers: Hey, wow, it's MyKai and Dgre! Did I hear you say you got dumped here from ComicCon?
Dgre: Techno! Yes, we did!
MyKai eased a little and nodded in acknowledgement at Techno: Brother. The portal we walked through at ComicCon brought us here.
Recon glanced at the soldiers to indicate all was ok, and they walked back to their posts.
Ronin: What's a "comma con"?
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Chapter 2
Writer: dgre
Meanwhile, back at ComicCon:
Rocket Raccoon was basking in the adulation of his fans, after having delivered a panel lecture about his fellow crew members (“Drax is a diva.”). Something was happening in the back of the room causing his fans to stretch their necks and turn away to see what was causing the hullabaloo.
Someone shouted, “By the Celestial, it’s a portal! A genuine portal!”
Rocket’s ears pricked up. “wha …?” He bared his teeth in pure raccoon irritation, but if anybody had dared to say that in his hearing, they’d risk a serious mauling right around the ankles.
“Hold on, I gotta check this out!” He picked up his beloved Large Lazar Armament (well, not really “beloved”, because he had just stolen it the week before), and stalked through the crowd. Before him, he saw a giant vertical ring with a shimmering pool of what looked like water, and people were oohing and aahing all over the place.
“What the everlovin’ is that?” He demanded.
“It’s a portal,” someone said. “Some people call it a Stargate. It’s a gateway to other worlds.”
“Pfft!” Scoffed Rocket. He lifted his LLA and fired at the middle of the portal. The lazar beam passed through without damage, but suddenly three men dressed in black (two of them in black BDUs), one dressed in what appeared to be a black rug, another man dressed in rough leather, and all of them with a lot of hair, burst through the portal.
“Hey!” One of the men screamed. “What do you think you’re doing? You could have hurt somebody!” After giving warning scowls, all of them turned and went back through the portal.
Rocket stared in open-mouthed astonishment.
“Oh, hell no,” he said. Hefting his LLA, he marched toward the portal. “I gotta see what this is all about.” He gave a raccoon-like grin, all teeth bared, hefted his stolen weapon, and marched toward and through the portal.
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Chapter 3
Writer: lafe
Specialist Marcus, a newly minted E-4 Specialist of the U.S. Space Force, turned the corner with his loaded hotdog and bottled water just in time to see Rocket step through the stargate that E-3 Davidson and he were supposed to be watching. A few con-goers were starting to collect around the gate, but his buddy Davidson was nowhere to be seen.
Marcus, wide-eyed, "Wha- no!" He flipped his wrist over to access the DHD (dial home device) strapped to his wrist and pretty much dumped the hotdog toppings all over the floor. He fumbled with the water bottle in his other hand, trying to poke the buttons on the DHD to keep the gate open, but in a crescendoing zhooooooop, the shimmering stargate portal closed. And without it open, he wouldn't be able to see what address had been dialed. "Oh crap." His eyes and mouth both said.
Meanwhile, Rocket appeared on the other side of the gate, LLA in hand, and took a couple of steps and stopped. He glanced around at the blue and aluminum hues of a futuristic-industrial room as the gate zhoooped closed behind him. "What the hell is THIS place?" he said with a stank face.
The group still at the gate turned to see who said that. Recon, surprised but looking stern as usual, turned to face him, "No, the question is, who the hell are you?" Ronin saw the LLA and pulled his blaster, but kept it pointed at the floor, while the stargate guards moved into defensive positions behind him.
Rocket and Techno both started to speak but Dgre stepped forward and cut them off, "Oh my! Look at the puppy!!" She smiled walked towards him, hands out to give him huggles and cuddles.
"Hey-hey-hey, hands off!" Rocket stepped back and pointed the LLA at her.
Dgre stopped and jerked her hands back, startled at having a weapon pointed at her, "Oh!" But MyKai was absolutely NOT having anyone pointing a weapon at his Queen, so he snap-fired his brace and latched on to the LLA to yank it from the short furry creature's hands. But instead, Rocket didn't let go and MyKai zip-reeled it in with Rocket still gripping it!
Rocket, nearly nose-to-nose with a scowling MyKai, growled, "And hands offa this too!!" Then he tried to bite MyKai in the face, which MyKai dodged, but the clone loosened his grip and Rocket and activated his jetpack. The escape strategy partially worked, and Rocket and his LLA started to lift away, but Techno deftly grabbed the jetpack and awkwardly hung on while Rocket lifted him a few feet off the ground and started to carry him across the large, tall gate room.
At this point, Ronin and the stargate guards all had their weapons pointed at Rocket and were ready to fire, when Techno got lucky and inadvertently disconnected something in the jetpack to deactivate it. They both thumped to the floor.
Rocket rolled to put Techno between himself and the rest of the armed gate squad and pulled the LLA's trigger, but it just clicked and didn't fire. MyKai's brace must have broke it! He gave it a shake, but the status panel was still dark. "Damn!" So he threw at Techno, who caught it and sternly said, "Rocket, stop!"
Rocket, small and incredibly agile and fast, took off across the gate room!
Dgre peeked from behind MyKai and pleaded with everyone, "Oh please don't shoot the puppy!!!" Recon, trying to aim his brace at Rocket without hitting friendlies snapped, "It's a raccoon, not a puppy!"
Rocket one-hop jumped on the handrailing of some nearby stairs then hopped up to the second floor, then yelled over his shoulder as he bolted down a hallway, "I'M NOT A RACCOON!!!"
Ronin, Recon, Techno and some other guards raced up the stairs after him. While running, Techno said over his com device, "Don't kill him, he's one of the Guardians! I'll explain later!"
Lafe, in her quarters, heard the intruder alert and put her earbud com in her ear just in time to hear Techno's comment about not killing a Guardian. "What the hell??" She quickly grabbed her glock off the counter, holstered it, and bolted out the door - right as Rocket was zig zagging across the hallway! He roughly collided with her and they rolled several feet to a stop.
Then Ronin popped around the corner and shot "the puppy".
Techno, jogged to a stop and looked at Rocket laying motionless on the floor. "Stunned?"
Ronin, "Yeah."
Lafe, getting up slowly, "Ow."
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Chapter 4
Writer: dgre
“You can’t keep me here!” Rocket yelled, working his arm to get the stiffness out. “I’ve escaped from better places than this, and if I find out which one of you morons shot me …”
“Who are you and what are you doing here?” Ronin growled.
John Shepard, who’d been roused from a deep sleep and who had a severe case of bed hair when he was called down to the brig, decided to step in just in case Ronin decided to get physical, “More to the point, what are you?” He glanced at Ronin and added, “And … yes … what are you doing here?”
“He’s one of the Guardians of the Galaxy, we told you that,” Techno said, lounging outside the cell. He and Recon exchanged sardonic looks.
Shepard shook his head. “ I don’t even know what that is, and that doesn’t explain why he’s here. You are a ‘he’, aren’t you?” He rounded on the two Kais. “And by the way, how long are you guys going to be here? This is a classified facility, you know. I don’t know who left the Stargate open …”
“Rodney used it,” Ronin said. “There was some kind of party going on he wanted to go to. Comical something. The gate’s closed now, but I think he’s still over there.”
Shepard sighed and rolled his eyes.
“Where’s the puppy?” Dgre’s anxious query echoed outside the door to the brig, and she rushed in, swatting away MyKai and Lafe who were trying to calm her down. “You haven’t hurt it, have you?”
Rocket clenched his fists on either side of his snout in aggravation, and hissed, “Puppy! First they insult me by calling me a raccoon, and now …”
“Whatever he is,” Dgre said, “he’s cute. Look at him! He’s so small and fluffy!”
“He fired a weapon at us through the gate!” Ronin insisted. “And he came through carrying that thing, threatening all of us.”
Rocket sneered. “Yeah, my Large Lazer Armament! Which you broke! I’ll be submitting a bill for that!”
Dgre knelt beside the cell. “Aw, look at him. He didn’t actually hurt anybody, did he? How can you keep him locked up like this? You won’t hurt anybody, will you, pupp… er, Mr. Guardian?”
Rocket, sensing an advantage, tried to look innocent, although he had absolutely no talent at puppy-dog eyes. “No, of course I won’t. I’m a peaceful fella, you can ask all my friends.”
Shepard sighed, “Oh boy.”
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